I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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