I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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