I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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