Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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