ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
