Sry I called you an 8
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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