I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
