omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
