bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
