How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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