i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
