I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
