Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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