hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
