So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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