tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
