I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
