Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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