I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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