How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
