oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
