I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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