that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what day is it and did you see me today?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
