You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're a waste of cheezeits
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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