you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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