My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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