He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
