hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
