my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
