Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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