i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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