Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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