I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
