Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
