It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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