conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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