bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
