my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
