I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
