Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
