I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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