I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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