So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
