so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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