At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
