You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
