I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
