eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
