I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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