What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
