Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
