he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
