I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
